You’re not alone. We are so confused about erections! 95% of erection woes are mentally based. You’re believing stressful thoughts about erections and its hard to “perform” when you’r anxious or nervous. Most men believe that they can’t please their partners without an erection. This is not true! Here are some common stressful thoughts that I invite you to question:
I can’t please my lover without an erection.
I can’t masturbate without an erection.
Getting an erection is harder as I get older.
Something is wrong with me if I can’t get an erection.
All of these thoughts would certainly make me loose a hard on! The pressure we put on penises is extraordinary. It turns out there are lots of amazing ways to play with your lover without an erection. Take the pressure off of you! You still have all of your nerve endings, so masturbation is just as yummy with a flaccid penis. What usually makes it harder for most men as they age is that they stop having sex and stop being “sexual,” so their libido starts to drop. It’s like your dopamine receptors: if you don’t use them you loose them. This is why it’s so important to remain sexually active, whether you’re single or alone.
Masturbation and sexual play is a prayer. It is how we connect with our passion, our excitement, and our creative flow. It is connecting with the source that flows through you all of the time. Don’t neglect all that is. You’re a smarter, more creative, more patient and compassionate being when you tend to your sexual nature and “pray” regularly.
I strongly recommend checking out the Work of Byron Katie and questioning your stressful thoughts about sex, performance and erections.
Men can orgasm over and over again and reach extended states of ecstacy that they never knew existed through a few simple techniques. You can orgasm over and over again without ejaculating, making yourself an incredible lover and more delightful person overall. The more pleasure you take in, the more pain and stress you release. It’s pure magic people.
While I teach these techniques to my clients, I highly recommend practicing them, if you have time, before our session so that you will get the most out of our time together. I highly recommend learning to locate your PC muscle, as described below, and we will be able to ride the wave or ascension for an extended period in our session.
Kegels aren’t just for women. There’s no better method to strengthen the pelvic region than to create a strong pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle), which can help control ejaculation. The easiest way for you to find this muscle is to see if you can stop the flow of urine when you go to the bathroom. It’s the PC muscle that you use to urinate. Once you find it, you need to practice feeling exactly where it is located and make sure you engage and isolate it, rather than using your abdominals, buttocks, or thighs. (These must all stay loose when doing Kegel exercises.) To do Kegels, you quickly clench and release the PC muscle repeatedly for ten seconds. Do three sets, with a ten-second break between sets. If you contract your PC muscle when you’re close to orgasm, you’ll be able to plateau and ride the next wave of orgasm.
Sex that is truly explorative is more than just traditional physical pleasure. When you approach orgasm, cease stimulation (i.e., pull out or stop moving), then contract the PC muscle and lower your chin to your chest (this is important, as it prevents energy from rising too high and making you feel ungrounded). Then draw in a breath, feeling the warmth of sexual energy rise upwards in your body. Repeat this as needed, until the desire to release is no longer urgent. Then, you’ll be able to continue and do this over and over again, experiencing orgasm after orgasm.
Keep repeating this for as long as you wish or as long as time as allows. You will notice that each time you raise your sexual energy you will achieve increasingly greater levels of pleasure each time until you reach a point at which you absolutely have to ejaculate……at this point, go for it. As you ejaculate make sound as this will allow you to continue to ejaculate for as long as you are making sound. However, you do have a choice, and if you decide that you want to retain you ejaculate, then you might want to try this technique. Why would you want to retain your ejaculate? Because it is your life force, your chi, and you can safely draw it up (called the Big Draw) and use it for healing. You’ll feel super charged and ready to run a marathon. But don’t worry, you won’t get blue balls. You’ll be drawing the energy up as opposed to locking it into your groin, which causes blue balls.
When, you’ve peaked for the last time, instead of doing the deep breathing as before, this time take in a deep breath. At the same time tighten your muscles in your perineum and anus, touch your tongue to the roof of your mouth and look upward to your forehead. Hold all these activities for as long as you can before releasing it. When you do release it, however, just let the breath totally go. If your body starts spasming, don’t be afraid, just enjoy these sensations as all this is your built-up sexual energy releasing into your body….you are experiencing what Tantrics call Full Body Orgasm.
Sex as Prayer
Most of us have learned that sex is something to hide and is certainly not holy. I beg to differ. Whatever you like to call the force that animates and unites us, whether it be God, the divine, Allah, or Source, it’s moving in and through us. Our passion, our inspirations, our creative force all comes from the divine, as does our sensuality. It is sacred. It is beautiful. It is a gift. I encourage you to examine any shame or guilt that you took on around your sexuality.
Sex is prayer.
Please pray daily.
Curious about Being with a Man
Many men are curious about being with men and don’t have a safe space to explore this fantasy. There are several male practitioners I can recommend who create a safe space for you to explore your excitement about men without having to commit to any intimacy of encounter. Check out a dear friend of mine here.
Rekindling your Sex Life
You love your wife or husband. You want to be loyal, but there is just no more sex in your marriage and you have needs. This issue is timeless.
As couples age, I hear from many of my clients that the ladies take longer to get aroused. When this happens, I recommend that my clients wait to start touching themselves until their ladies are warmed up if they’ve experienced the wait time being too long or loosing interest by the time their wife is ready for them. Many men report that they quickly ejaculate and this really demotivates their wives from wanting to have sex. Yes, that’s appropriate men! Who would get excited about that? Learning how to control ejaculation takes focus but is easy to learn and master. It’s not very complex. Check out my section on Ejaculation control.
Taking Tantra Home
I want my clients to be able to have a tantra practice at home that they can cultivate in between our time together. I am working on creating mp3 content that you will be able to purchase in the online store I am creating. I have mediations for daily tantric cultivation and ejaculation control.